just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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