I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
