My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
