I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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