Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
