dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
