batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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