im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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