I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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