whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
