he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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