never play flip cup with pint glasses
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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