After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
