just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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