thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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