I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
