my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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