I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
