I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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