Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They have beer where we have blood.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
