When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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