tequila makes me forget i have legs
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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