girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
