I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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