Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
