I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize