Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
