I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
