Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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