no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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