apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
