This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
