If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
