Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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