i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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