I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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