Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
