I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
