Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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