I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
