Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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