The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
