you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
