It's Friday. Sex?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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