I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
either way he was missing a nipple.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
