Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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