How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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