all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize