I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pee around me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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