This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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