I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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