Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Houston, we have a squirter
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
