He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
