Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
