I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
