Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
