R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
