I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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