I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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