you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
