I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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