you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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