all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Randomize
